Local Resident Insists on Commenting on Neighbors’ Comings and Goings

By SOME KERNELS OF TRUTH Oct. 7, 2014

BROOKLYN, NY — Park Slope residents in one rental complex have filed a complaint with their landlord about neighbor Mary Farnsworth. According to the complaint, Farnsworth “repeatedly engages in nosy behavior with everyone in the building, invading our privacy at every turn.”

Complex residents state that Farnsworth began prying into their personal lives soon after she moved in three years ago.

“The first time I met her, I got on the elevator with her on my way home from the supermarket. Right away I saw this lady eyeing my bags and looking at me, like she was eager to talk. I was tired, though, so I avoided eye contact,” said Gloria Perry. “But it didn’t work. She asked me, ‘Oh, you were getting groceries?’ in this nosy way. I felt like saying back, ‘No, I just enjoy carrying food around in bags,’ but thought better of it and just said yes. She’s always been like that, and it’s annoying,” Perry recalled.

Other tenants agree, saying they’ve faced similar inquiries. “It’s weird she has to comment on the most mundane things and point out the obvious. Like the other day, she saw me heading to the laundry room with my laundry basket full of clothing, yet she actually asked me if I was going to do my wash. I mean, really, what’s the point of an inane question like that?” said neighbor Lucy Chu, adding that she often tries to avoid Farnsworth whenever possible. “I avoid going anywhere I hear her or see her, if I can,” said Chu.

One neighbor, Steve Ferrer, said Farnsworth has even gone so far as to give him unsolicited advice. “The other day in the lobby she saw me coming in with a pizza from the place down the block. She said I should go to the one three blocks over instead; she said she likes the pizza there better. I told her I’d had their food and didn’t like it as much, but she just kept saying, ‘Go there, you’ll love it.’ It was like she wasn’t even hearing me,” said Ferrer.

There was no response from building management as to what can be done about the complaint against Farnsworth.

Fellow resident Thomas Jeffries said he is worried nothing will change. “I mean, I agree with the complaint, but really, what can they do? She’s not breaking any policies or laws. So when you have an annoying neighbor like that, you’re pretty much on your own,” he said with a sigh.

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Note: This is not a real news story; it’s another fake news story I came up with, although it was inspired by real events…if you like fake (and hopefully funny) news stories like this one, you can read a few others I’ve written, here and here. 🙂